


On the Shores of Lake Lyn

by ToTheStarsWriting



Series: New Albion [1]
Category: Merlin (TV), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Feels, Gen, Gift Fic, Hurt Alec, Lake Lyn, Light Angst, Magic, Merlin AU, Reincarnation, Time Jump, Young Alec, Young Isabelle, almost drowned, just so you know, magic and mystery, magical reveal, merlin is Emrys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTheStarsWriting/pseuds/ToTheStarsWriting
Summary: Outside of their precious city, on the shores of Lake Lyn, a young life is almost lost. Years later, another life is found. Alec Lightwood never knew just how much a little body of water would be able to change his life. But now that he's touched it, nothing's ever going to be the same again.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, future Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood - Relationship
Series: New Albion [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837090
Comments: 29
Kudos: 210





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skylar102](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar102/gifts).



> This was inspired by a conversation on Discord and I spent half my day writing this out so enjoy!

Alec was just shy of ten years old on the day that his life changed for the first time. It was the day that would mark the start of so many other changes for him.

He hadn’t meant to wander off. Not really. He knew better than to just go roaming around outside the walls of Alicante. They were safe inside, under the protection of the demon towers and the adult shadowhunters who were everywhere. But Alec was ten, and though he knew he had to act more grown up than that, sometimes he hated having to be a part of the adult groups. Izzy still got to run around and play! It wasn’t fair that _he_ couldn’t, too!

Alec was getting better about it. He didn’t try and sneak off as much as he used to, nor did he ignore his duties to his mother and to his family. But, well, if he took advantage of their busyness and Izzy’s eagerness to go out and play, no one had to know, right?

The adults were all busy when Alec and Izzy slipped away from the family house. Alec held Izzy’s hand in his – Mama had taught him how important that was, to always keep her close to his side and _safe_ – and the two of them ran away until they were able to use the secret path Alec had found two years ago. It’d let them slip past the guards, out through the walls, and away from the city. Alec had been wanting to take Izzy there _forever_.

There were trees, so many trees, and big grass fields, and big sticks that were perfect to pretend to fight with! Alec had played out there by himself before, but now Izzy was old enough to take with him and he couldn’t _wait_ to show her.

Because Izzy was the best sister ever, she was super excited as soon as Alec led her to the little clearing he’d found. Her eyes went wide, and she looked around at everything with awe on her face. “Alec! It’s so cool!”

Alec grinned and let go of Isabelle so he could run over and show her his favorite set of rocks. They started out small and got bigger and bigger until he could stand on the very top one. He bet he was even taller than Mama up this high! “Look at me, Izzy!”

Immediately, Izzy started racing over to climb up with him, already demanding “It’s my turn, Alec! Move!” before she even got to the top.

The two played for hours out there. They sparred together with big sticks and chased each other around the clearing. Izzy was the demon, and then Alec was, and then Izzy came and pretended to rescue Alec from the demons and downworlders that were keeping him prisoner. She broke him free from everyone and leapt around the grass, screaming “I did it, I did it” and Alec laughed with her. He picked her up even though they were both getting too big for that and held her up as high as he could. “Izzy Lightwood, the best Shadowhunter ever!”

She laughed and held her hands up, giving another happy cry as she did.

When Alec put her down, Izzy bounced up on her toes, giving that big bright grin that she didn’t often wear at home anymore. “I wanna play a new game, Alec.”

Alec wanted to play, too, but it was getting late. The sun had moved through the sky. They needed to get back soon. However, Alec took one look back at her hopeful face and he sighed. “One more game, Iz. Then we gotta get home before Mama notices.”

Izzy’s bright smile was worth it. She lit up like Alec had given her the best Raziel-Day present _ever_. Then, without any warning, she darted forward and smacked a hand against his chest. She gleefully shouted, “You’re it!” and then spun around and ran away.

 _Catch_ was a game for little kids, and not one Alec had played all that much – too many kids didn’t want to play with the Lightwood boy at school or in the city. But Izzy had played with her friends, and she loved to play it with Alec. He was bigger and older, but she was fast, and it made it fun.

With a grin, Alec set off after her, the two of them tearing round and round the field as he tried to catch her.

But Alec should’ve known better. He should’ve remembered that Izzy didn’t like to lose. Just when he was about to catch her, she jumped over the rock and took off into the trees.

Alec almost fell when he realized where she was going. “Izzy, no! We’re not supposed to go in there!” he shouted, racing after her.

She laughed and kept on running. “Come on, Alec! Come and get me!”

There was no way Alec could just give up. Izzy would keep running, and then she’d get lost when she tried to turn back around and realized that Alec wasn’t there anymore, and then Alec would have to go find her anyway or else go back and tell Mama that he’d _lost Izzy_. Or Dad. Just the thought of that had Alec’s legs running faster. “Izzy! Stop!”

He ran as fast as he could through the trees. His feet kept catching on branches, and the trees were getting thicker. Alec lost sight of Izzy when she laughed and ran down the hill around the side of it. When he got there, he couldn’t see her anymore, and he started to panic. Really panic. Not just because Mama or Dad might get mad. But because Izzy was his baby sister and he was supposed to watch out for her, and how could he do that when he couldn’t find her? What if she got hurt out here? What if there were _wolves_?

Alec ran faster and faster, calling out her name as he did. But she didn’t answer him.

His heart was pounding. He looked around and tried to see where she might’ve gone. Maybe she was hiding somewhere, watching him? “Izzy, this isn’t funny!” Alec shouted. He turned again, listening carefully. “Come on, I wanna go home now. Mama’s gonna be looking for us, and we’re gonna be in trouble if she finds out we were out here. Come on.”

A rustle in the bushes nearby had Alec jumping. He spun around, eyes open wide, and dropped his hand to his waist where his training blade usually sat. He hadn’t brought it out with him, though. All he had were sticks and rocks around him for defense. Hodge had been teaching him how to use those kinds of things, how to use everything in his environment. But what if it really was a wolf out there? A real wolf, not a werewolf. Sticks and rocks weren’t going to hurt it.

What if... what if the wolf had already gotten Izzy, and now it was coming for him?

Alec swallowed and took a single step back. “Izzy?”

There was another rustle followed by a small crack. Alec twisted quickly toward it. Only... there was nothing there.

Then suddenly something dropped down onto the ground behind him, and a voice shouted “Boo!” right by his ear. Alec jumped and turned, hands lashing out in a blow his body had already been trained for, only to collide right with his little sister. The two hit one another hard, both of them falling to the ground. But where Izzy just landed, Alec hit a rock and rolled to get away from it, only to find the ground giving way under him. He let out a startled shout as his body kept on rolling.

He tumbled down the hill he hadn’t realized he’d been on, his body crashing into rocks and branches as he went, and then suddenly the ground was gone entirely. Alec let out a startled shout as he flew through the air and came crashing down into the water below.

The water closed over him, and Alec tried not to gasp, but his mouth filled with water anyway. His body hurt, it _hurt_ , and he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t even do anything to kick his way toward the top. It was like something in the lake wrapped around him and dragged him down toward the bottom. Alec tried to shout, to fight against it, but it was too strong. Whatever it was grabbed him and yanked him down, down, down, until the world fell away, and everything went to black.

* * *

_“Where have you been!?”_

_“Were you worried about me … You came back to look for me.”_

_“All right. It’s true. I came back because you’re the only friend I have, and I couldn’t bear to lose you.”_

_“… really?”_

_“Don’t be stupid.”_

* * *

Alec woke up coughing and gasping in his bed. He rolled to the side as he coughed, his body so sore it barely worked. Someone’s hands were there, supporting him as he twisted, bracing him up so that he didn’t throw up all over himself. Mouthfuls of lake water were expelled as he vomited down into the bucket someone stuck in front of his face.

It took forever for it all to come out. When it finally stopped, those gentle hands were drawing him back once more, helping Alec to lay back down on the bed.

His head felt so fuzzy, and his body felt like it weighed a ton. Alec couldn’t do much more than lay there when his body was set gently against the soft sheets underneath him.

Sheets? Hadn’t he – hadn’t he been in the water? No, on the ground. Dragged down under, deeper and deeper into the black, and he was drowning, dying. Only, no, he wasn’t in the water, but he was wet and itchy, and everything felt so heavy. He felt so heavy.

He was being dragged, he was dragging someone, pulling them along the hard ground. He was bouncing against the ground as rocks dug into him. And there were hands, always hands, pulling him everywhere, pushing him, smacking the back of his head, clapping against his back. And a voice shouting “Breathe, dammit!” harsh and hard, full of command that was never turned his way, what had he done to hear that kind of tone? Then there was another, so much softer this time, gentle and easy, a soothing touch against the broken places inside him. “Breathe. Come on, breathe! This isn’t where you die. Not here, not now.”

Soft yet strong hands held him. One of them pressed a cloth to his forehead, and he knew that touch, knew the scent of herbs that traveled with it. A name trembled on the tip of his tongue.

“Shhh,” the voice said gently. “You’re fine now. Everything’s going to be all right. Just relax and breathe for me. I’ll take care of you.”

Why he trusted those words, he didn’t know. But it was easy to let his body slip back down into dreams while those hands soothed him.

* * *

_“I always thought that silence would be a blessing with you, but I find it just as irritating. You’re a riddle…”_

_“A riddle?”_

_“Yes. But I’ve grown to quite like you. Now I realize you’re not as big a fool as you look.”_

_“Yeah, I feel the same. Now that I realize you’re not as arrogant as you sound.”_

_“You still think I’m arrogant?”_

_“No. More…supercilious.”_

_“That’s a big word… you sure you know what it means?”_

_“Condescending.”_

_“Very good.”_

_“Patronizing.”_

_“It doesn’t quite mean that.”_

_“No, these are other things you are.”_

_“Hang on!”_

* * *

The next time Alec woke, the hazy feeling was still there, but it was so much less. He felt a bit more anchored in the real world instead of caught between it and dreams. His mind still felt a bit fuzzy, and he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t slip back down into dreams if he wasn’t careful, but he could think, and he could breathe, and that seemed like a pretty big deal.

When he blinked his eyes open, it only took him a moment to recognize that he was back in his room. Not his room in the Lightwood manor in Alicante. It was his room back home, in New York, at the Institute. The bigger room he’d just been granted because he was older now, more responsible, and it was time he started being treated as such. At least, that was what his father had said.

It seemed... off, though. Like some pieces were missing. Shouldn’t there have been a table in there? And over there, a fireplace. And windows looking outside, down onto the courtyard.

Alec blinked again, and the image was gone.

“There you are,” a strange voice said.

When Alec rolled his head to the side, the only part of his body he really felt like he could move, he found a woman sitting in a chair beside his bed. He’d never seen her before, and yet something about her felt familiar. Maybe it was her voice. He’d heard that voice before, hadn’t he? Alec felt like he should recognize her. She certainly looked like someone he’d remember. With pretty blue skin, and white hair bundled up on her head, she was beautiful, like what a younger Alec had once thought faeries must look like.

The way she smiled at him reminded Alec of how Mama had used to smile at him when he was little. She still did sometimes now, when he did something good and she was proud of him, but they didn’t happen very much. It felt so good to see someone smile at him like that. Even if he had no idea who this woman was.

“I thought you might wake up soon,” the woman said. She folded the book she was holding and set it down in her lap. She didn’t try and lean forward, and a small part of Alec wished she would. That she’d lean forward and put her hand on his head again. Had she done that before?

It was hard to keep his thoughts together. He felt like he was missing something important. Had something happened?

The woman did lean forward then, and she brushed a bit of hair back from his face. Alec wanted her touch to stay there and never stop. “Shh, little one. Your body went through quite the ordeal. You’re going to need time and rest for it to heal.”

“Wh-wha...”

She seemed to understand what it was he was trying to ask her. “What happened?” she finished for him. At his small nod – even that was hard to do! – she made another of those soft sounds and brushed her hand through his hair again. “You were in an accident. Your parents called me in when it was clear your body needed some help healing. Though I must say, when I came here, I didn’t exactly expect to find _this_.”

Alec didn’t know what she was talking about. What was she talking about, finding _this_? What was _this_?

The woman shushed him again. She kept carding her fingers through his hair, and it felt nice. So, so nice.

“Hush now,” she said gently. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing you need to worry about. There’ll be plenty of time for that when you’re older.”

The stroke of her fingers through his hair had Alec’s eyes drifting closed. Once they did, he found he couldn’t quite bring himself to open them again. His body was just too tired. Bit by bit, stroke by stroke, it felt like this woman was pushing Alec back down toward sleep, and his mind and body were just too exhausted to fight it. He couldn’t resist, and he didn’t see why he should.

The stroking turned to a gentle scratching. Alec felt the hand twist a little, but he was too tired to look. Then a soft kiss was placed on his forehead. “It’ll be okay,” she murmured against his skin. “You’re safe now. You just rest and heal.” Then, so soft he almost didn’t hear it, “I’ll look after him for you until you can do it yourself. I’ll keep him safe.”

Those were the last words Alec heard before sleep once more dragged him under.

* * *

_“You know … you’re braver than I give you credit for.”_

_“Really, was that a compliment?”_

_“Don’t be stupid.”_

_“I always thought that if things had been different, we’d have been good friends … that’s if you hadn’t been such an arrogant, pompous dollop-head.”_

* * *

The final time Alec woke up, it was with a clarity that hadn’t been there any of the previous times. His head didn’t feel as fuzzy as it once had, though there were remnants of something that clung to the edges of his mind like faint cobwebs, light and clinging yet too gentle to touch. But the rest of him finally felt awake and alert, and his body no longer felt like it was going to once more sink down to the bottom of the lake.

When Alec opened his eyes, it was to find that he was definitely back in his room at the New York Institute. There was a small body in bed with him, curled up into a little ball at his side, and Alec knew without even having to turn and look that it was Izzy, sound asleep against him.

Just as he knew without looking that his mother was in the room.

Though Alec didn’t want to – was scared of what he might see, what she might say – he made himself look over to the side of his bed where his mother sat. He had a brief flash of someone else sitting in that chair, of blue skin and white hair and the gentlest of hands. But then he blinked and it was gone, and his mother was the one sitting in that chair. She stared down at him with a look of concern in her eyes that Alec hadn’t expected to see.

She didn’t say anything for a moment. Nor did she reach out to him. Her hands were folded in her lap. Alec could see the way she’d pressed them together, how it made her knuckles white. Then his attention focused up on her face.

“I’m glad to see you awake,” his Mama said in a voice way too gentle for her.

Alec licked his lips, which felt so very dry. He wasn’t sure he could speak, so he nodded at her, hoping that was enough. Under the covers, he pushed his one arm over a little more so that he could curl it around Izzy. It made him feel a bit better to be able to feel her weight there.

Maryse watched the movement with those sharp eyes of hers that never seemed to miss anything. “Do you remember what happened?”

Here was the moment of truth. Alec could lie and say he didn’t. Some parts of it were fuzzy, after all. But that wasn’t who Alec was. He’d messed up, and he knew it. That meant he had to face punishment for it. Slowly, he nodded his head.

“Your sister dragged you back to the city,” Maryse went on. Her voice grew a bit harder, a bit colder, and Alec shivered. “She dragged you all the way through the forest, over the hills, and right up to the city walls. The guards there saw her and ran to help. You’re lucky she got you to us in time enough for us to bring you home and summon someone to heal you. Most people who go in the waters of Lake Lyn never come out, and those who do often aren’t found until it’s too late to help them.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec croaked out. They were the only words he could think of to say. They wouldn’t be enough, he knew, but they were all he could give.

A tightness appeared around Maryse’s eyes. She looked like she was going to speak, only to think better of it a moment later. “We’ll discuss the foolishness of your actions later, when you’re more awake and feeling better. And your punishment.”

Alec nodded his head at her. He’d known from the minute Izzy had run into the woods that he was going to end up punished for all this. He’d known the risks when he’d first taken her out there. Whatever his parents gave him, he’d pay the price willingly.

Abruptly, some of the lines on Maryse’s face softened again, and for that brief moment it was his Mama looking down at him. “We almost lost you, _tesoro_. Don’t scare me like that again.”

She looked at him, and Alec wished she’d reach out to touch his hair, offer him some of that comfort that he vaguely remembered getting before. But she didn’t. Alec was too old for those things, and the years had left Maryse too hard. She just sat there and watched him for a moment, and then closed her eyes and let out a breath.

When she opened her eyes once more, it was to the stern look that Alec was so used to seeing. “Get some rest. We’ll talk more later when you’re well.”

Alec was surprised when his mother didn’t wake Izzy to go with her as she left. She just got up from her chair and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

For a long moment, Alec just stared at the space where his mother had been. At the chair she'd sat in – that someone else had sat in. Had that been real? Everything between falling in the lake and waking up now felt kind of like a dream. All of it had that hazy quality to the edges of it that dreams took on. Had it been real? Had any of it? The woman, the voices, the bits of something else that tugged at something deep inside of Alec – this place that suddenly felt so empty, and he didn't even know why.

Thinking on it only made Alec's head start to hurt. He pushed those thoughts aside and forced his aching body to move. He rolled just enough that he could curl himself around the smaller body of his sister. A protective barrier between her and the world. He pretended that was all it was. No one needed to know that he took comfort from her touch as well.

Later, when Izzy woke up and bombarded him with hugs and threats to “Never ever scare me like that again!” and even more hugs, plus a few tears neither of them mentioned, Alec would do his best to thank his sister for saving him. It was a favor he tried to repay many, many times over the years.

He didn't ask, and Isabelle didn't say, how she'd gotten him out of the water that day. Or how it was she'd managed to drag her brother all those long miles back to Alicante to get him help. Alec never spoke of the darkness that had yanked him down, and Isabelle never mentioned the fear of finding her brother lying in the sand, barely breathing, his body dripping, and his eyes open and vacant. The words would remain unspoken between them for many, many years to come.


	2. Chapter 2

Life changed for Alec Lightwood as he grew through his teenage years. With each passing year, he took on more duties and began to leave the games of children far, far behind him.

They became nothing more than memories that Alec held to himself as he grew up and left behind the innocence and foolishness of childhood for a life of responsibility and duty. With each passing year, Alec felt further and further apart from the young boy that he'd once been. The games just a foolish fancy he could look back on in the dark of night with a faint sense of longing for that old freedom. But during the day, he couldn't let himself think of those things. He was growing now, almost an adult, and his duty was to his people and his Institute. He didn't have time for games. He had to be a leader.

More and more often, Alec’s parents left him in charge of the Institute while they went to Idris to do whatever it was they did there. Sometimes Robert went to Los Angeles, and Alec knew that there was talk through the gossip wags in Idris that the Clave might be thinking of sending the Lightwoods to take over for a little while. Neither Maryse nor Robert would confirm or deny those things. The closest they'd come was Maryse telling them that “New York is our home.” She'd said nothing more on the subject. But Alec took that to mean that they were staying here.

While Alec grew and aged beyond his years, turning from a playful child into a serious man, a part of him was grateful to see that his sister managed to escape that fate. He'd done his best to raise her up with him, to step in where his parents faltered and give her the things she needed to be able to keep alive the parts of her that he so loved. Her compassion, her strength, her fire, her joy. All of those things were a part of Isabelle. Parts that Alec cherished and nurtured.

It grew easier when Jace came along. In him, Alec found a balance to the harder parts of his life – a smile to his darkness – and his sister found herself a partner in crime.

Jace came to them a bit broken and bruised, too close to falling over that ledge and becoming like Alec. Life hadn't treated him kindly, and he grew hard in response. But between Isabelle's bubbliness and Alec's steady patience, they loved Jace enough to help break down those walls, at least around them, and allow Jace to become who he was supposed to be, not who his father had tried to make him be.

After that, the trio was inseparable, and though the two drove Alec to distraction some days with their need to ignore the rules for their fun, there was no one he loved more than his sister and his parabatai. Through them, he got the joy that life had otherwise forced him to let go of. Alec lived for them.

But as the years went by and more and more parts of Alec got pushed to the side, more pieces of him carved away in his efforts to try and make himself into the man that his family wanted him to be, the more that Alec felt like he was losing everything that made him who he was. The fun he used to have with his sister and his parabatai stopped being _fun_ and became something heavier. He couldn't join in with them. Not without risking his position at the Institute, his standing with the Clave, or his parents' anger. Instead of going with them and letting go, just for a little while, Alec went along to make sure they stayed in line. That they didn't go too far. It stopped being fun and became just another duty.

The only parts of Alec's life that felt like they were his anymore were the bits that weren't even his at all.

His dreams.

In his dreams, Alec wasn't Alec, but he wasn't anyone else, either. He was _everyone_ else. He was an angry King on the throne. A young prince trying to do his best in the world. A Knight, honor-bound to guard his King. The daughter of a blacksmith, reaching out to heights no one of her station would ever dare dream of. An old man, bent by time and burdened by secrets, trying only to do what was right. A young man with an old soul, bearing the burdens of power without any of the recognition.

A thousand different lifetimes, Alec lived out in his dreams. Each one different than the last, and each one equally important.

He didn't know if others dreamed like that. Gentle probing at his siblings about their dreams left him with the idea that no, they did not, and it only made him all the more determined to keep that part of himself a secret. If anyone knew the types of dreams Alec was having, they would take him to the Silent Brothers. Especially if they learned that he'd been having them ever since that fateful dip into the waters of Lake Lyn.

Alec knew he should've mentioned the dreams early on. Back in those first few weeks of recovery when his parents barely let him out of the Institute or even down to the training rooms. Everyone had been watching Alec, waiting to see what would happen, what he'd do. Whether he would go mad as others had or if Isabelle had gotten him out in time. They watched to see if maybe Isabelle would go crazy too, assuming she went in the water after him.

Alec told himself that he hadn't said anything because he hadn't wanted anyone to think he was crazy. And maybe that was a part of it. But the other part, the bigger part, simply didn't want to let anyone in on those dreams. They were his. Sharing them felt... wrong, like stepping out and exposing himself to everyone around him. So, Alec kept quiet, and each night he went to bed and dreamed of a different time, a different life. Not always an easy one, but each one so very important.

There always sat this vague thought in the back of Alec's mind that he should go back there one day. Back to the shores where it'd all began. But each time he did, he felt a whisper in his heart. A voice that said _not yet_.

* * *

_“I don’t feel good about you out there alone… It could be very dangerous.”_

_“Yeah, but you forget I have skills you’ll never have.”_

_“Such as?”_

_“For one, people don’t immediately hate or want to kill me upon first meeting me.”_

* * *

It wasn't until Alec was in his twenties that something drew him back to that lake. Alec had avoided going there ever since that summer day. But when duty brought him to Alicante, the call of the Lake became too strong to resist. He felt it settle down in his bones from the very minute he stepped out of the portal in his hometown. Somehow, he held it together. Through his meeting with the Clave, and yet another talk with Imogen Herondale that mostly consisted of what he needed to do to honor his duty, Alec kept control.

At any other time, Alec would've been overjoyed with what was happening. He was formally being put in place as Acting Head of the New York Institute while his parents were recalled to Idris to deal with Council matters that required their attention. Alec's trip here was a formality – a nod to the old days when such things were done with swords and blood instead of votes and politics. Alec came to stand under the eyes of the angel and promised to uphold his sacred duty. To care for the people of his Institute and to protect his city at all costs.

This was what he'd been training for his whole life. To take over for his parents, to care for his people. The pride in their eyes when they watched him swear his oaths was exactly what Alec had always wanted to see.

And yet... there was a part of him that felt _wrong_. Like this wasn't quite right. He stood up there in front of them and fought the urge to slip to the side, to step back as if making room for someone else to stand there. Someone who was far more deserving than he.

With great restraint, Alec kept his stance and swore his oaths. And in the back of his mind, he heard the lapping of water against the distant shore, and a soft voice whispering _come to me_.

Alec held it together as best as he could through the ceremony, as well as the dinner that came afterward. It left him perhaps a bit colder looking than usual. But it only fed into the reputation he had of being hard, sharp, and not someone you wanted to piss off. His people back at the Institute – at _Alec’s_ Institute! – knew the other side of him, at least a little. They knew that Alec was also kind, that he cared for those he was responsible for, and that he was fair.

But none of them were here, and so Alec didn’t even bother to try. He shook hands, said all the right words, while all the while, that voice inside grew louder and louder, the words repeating until they rang in his skull like bells. Come to me, _come to me_ , **_come to me_**.

It wasn't until the dinner was almost over that Alec was finally able to slip away without anyone noticing. He knew he shouldn't, and if his parents saw he would be in so much trouble for abandoning a dinner that was being held in his honor, but that voice would no longer be ignored. It tugged at him, pulling him away, and Alec had no choice but to follow.

His feet followed those old pathways he knew like the back of his hand. Alec went down the familiar streets until he found that spot in the walls that he'd used to slip out with Isabelle all those years ago. Though he was larger now, he still fit, and the leader in him made note that they should patch up this glaring hole in their defenses. The rest of him was lost in it all as he walked down the trail toward the very field where he'd once played pretend – where he'd been free to _be_. Not a shadowhunter, but a child.

Alec felt a hint of nostalgia as he walked into the forest at the edge of that field. He remembered the panic he'd felt that day as Isabelle had run from him, laughing and dancing through the trees like a little forest fairy, flitting here and there and always staying out of reach. But he remembered the innocent joy they'd had beforehand, too. The way it'd felt to play together without anyone around to tell them it was wrong.

Though Alec had only been to the lake once, and that time by accident, it was like he knew exactly where to go. His steps never once faltered. Over rocks, around trees, deep into the forests with just the bare light of the moon to guide him, Alec wove his way toward something. What, he didn't know. But he knew it was important.

There was a sudden break in the trees, and then Alec could see it - Lake Lyn. The lake of his dreams, of his nightmares. Alec took a deep breath there at the tree line and then stepped out into the open.

He walked to the edge of the lake and stood there, staring out over the water. It was so still, so peaceful. Like the whole world sort of held its breath. Alec stood there and looked out at it all and felt something inside him settle.

This was peace. Comfort. Even though Alec had almost lost his life here – had, instead, lost a piece of himself, lost his childhood down in those murky depths – stepping out onto the sand felt like _coming home_.

The voice that had been calling to him was silent now. Everything was silent.

When that silence broke, it startled him. The sound of a voice drifted as soft as the wind through the leaves. “I've been waiting a long time for this moment.”

Alec spun, his body shifting into a defensive crouch, one hand instinctively going for the blade at his hip.

There, perched on top of a large rock at the edge of the lake, was a woman that Alec had thought he'd always just hallucinated. In the fever dreams that came after he'd drowned, he remembered seeing a beautiful woman at his bedside, with blue skin and white hair. She'd talked kindly to him, and pet his hair, and whispered all the soothing things a hurt little boy wishes their mother to stay to them when they're scared and hurting. When no one mentioned anyone being there afterward, Alec had assumed it was all part of the after-effects of the lake. That he'd just imagined her.

Yet here she sat now as real as he was. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a sweater, and her white hair spilled down her back in multiple tiny braids. She looked just as beautiful as he remembered her being.

“Well, I have to say that wasn't the greeting I expected,” she told him, lips twitching like she was fighting back a grin. “Though I probably should have. You nephilim, you're all the same, I swear.”

Her use of the word nephiilim had Alec going still. All of a sudden, it felt like the pieces came together in his head, just a little. The picture wasn't perfect, but it was definitely clearer. He straightened up, hand falling away from his blade. “You're a warlock.”

The woman stopped fighting her grin and just let it grow. “You got it. Though I go by the name Catarina now. Well, most of the time. It's the one people know, anyway.”

“You’re the one who saved me when I was a kid.”

“That I did.” She let her leg shift just enough that her bare foot could drop down, blue toes dipping into the water. Alec almost shouted at her to step back, to not touch it – the waters were so dangerous. But the instant her toes touched the water, it felt like the very lake itself sighed.

Something was going on here – something with magic, clearly. The strange feeling in Alec's chest, the demanding call that had dragged him out here, and now this woman, it was all tied together. Add in a warlock sitting on the shore of a lake she shouldn't have been anywhere near, so close to a city full of people who would likely arrest or kill her on sight just for her being here. She had to be here for a reason, to risk something like that. To risk all of this.

“What do you want from me?” Alec asked her. He fought to make his voice less sharp, less demanding. Growling at her wasn't going to get him answers. He'd been taught diplomacy as a part of his training to one day take over. Despite what the other shadowhunters might think of him using that to speak with a downworlder, Alec was smart enough to know it'd likely get him farther than demands and threats.

Catarina tilted her head. Her braids cascaded over her shoulder like a waterfall. Under the light of the moon, she looked almost ethereal, and a piece of Alec eased a little more. “What makes you think I want anything from you?” she asked curiously.

“Something called me out here. I don't know what, and I don't know why. But I felt it. And then I show up here, and I find a warlock sitting in a place she's not supposed to be.”

Amusement danced over her features. “Smart. Wrong, but smart. I didn't call you out here, shadowhunter.” Pausing, Catarina let her eyes run over Alec, going down to his toes and then back up, settling on his face. “You did that.”

Her words had his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Wait a second – what? What on earth was she talking about? Alec shook his head to try and clear it. “You're saying I called _myself_ out here?”

“Yes.”

“How is that possible?”

Catarina shrugged casually at him. She unfolded her other leg so that both feet were now dangling down in the water. “I don't make the rules. I just call it like I see it.”

“But it doesn't make any sense!” The words came out sharper than Alec had meant them, and he took a step back and huffed, trying to draw himself back under control. Shouting at her wasn't going to get him anywhere. Neither, apparently, was talking to her.

It was on the tip of his tongue to say _screw it_. He could turn around and leave, just walk away, and leave the crazy warlock and the lake far, far behind him. Once he got back to New York, maybe that urge to come here would disappear as well. He'd be too far away to do anything about it even if it didn't.

That seemed like a smart plan. So why did Alec find himself turning to face the water? Why were his feet staying in place like someone had come along and frozen him there?

“It won't hurt you, you know,” Catarina said softly. She wiggled her feet, splashing the water against her toes. When he looked at her, she was smiling in that gentle way he remembered from his dreams. “I mean it. The water won't hurt you.”

“It seemed to do a pretty good job last time,” Alec pointed out.

“Did it? Or did it save you?”

The question had Alec blinking a few times. He furrowed his brows down and tried to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

“Have you ever asked your sister how she found you?” Catarina asked. She didn’t wait for his answer, clearly already knowing the truth. In that same calm voice, she went on. “Following your path down the hill got her to the lake, but you'd already fallen inside and sunk. So how did she get you out without drowning herself or suffering the same things you did?”

Those were questions Alec had asked himself plenty of times, yet never asked Isabelle. They hadn't ever spoken of it. But deep inside, he'd always wondered. How _had_ he gotten out of the water?

“The lake will show you if you let it.” Catarina's voice gentled even more. There was a soft sound to it that whispered along Alec's ears like a melody he'd once known but long since forgotten. “It doesn't want to hurt you. It couldn't.”

“What do you mean?” Alec asked. His voice came out a low, hoarse croak. It felt like there was something hard stuck in his throat.

He didn't look over at Catarina, eyes locked on the water, but he could hear the amusement in her voice. “Walk into the water and see.”

He should've instantly told her no. Walk into the lake where he'd once almost drowned? A lake that had poisoned him and left him gasping and dreaming for days in his bed? A lake that had sent other men and women mad at just a touch, a _sip_ , of their waters? Walking in there was the very last thing Alec should do.

“It won't hurt you,” Catarina repeated. “I told you, it never did. I didn't heal you, Alec. Your parents called me in to use magic to save you from the lake, but I didn't have to. The lake itself was already healing you. The power in there, it knows you, and deep down inside, you know it, too. All you have to do to get your answers is to stop ignoring it.”

The shadowhunter Alec had been raised to be demanded that he turn around and get far, far away from here. Perhaps taking Catarina with him so that he could question her properly and figure out what kind of magic she was working on him here. Because there was no way this was the power of the lake. Lakes didn't have magic like this. Not _sentient_ magic. They couldn't reach out and grab hold of your heart and soul and tug you toward them.

Yet Alec found himself taking one step forward.

Where once the lake had been still, now it was lapping at the edges of the sand like something was moving inside it. Or like the ocean tide, drawing out and then pushing back in, closer and close every time. As if it were too impatient to wait for him to come to it and instead was trying to come to _him_.

Alec took another step forward. He stared down at his feet, so close to the water now, and felt something in him tremble. That voice grew louder, urging him into one more step, just one last one, and his body shook as he fought against it. “Stop it,” he whispered. To the water, to Catarina, he wasn't sure. “Just stop it.”

The water washed a little higher.

“Step into the water, Alexander Lightwood. Step into the lake and let it show you who you are. And who you're truly meant to be.”

Alec could no more have resisted those words than he could have stopped his heart from beating. With his heart in his throat, he took that last step forward, his foot going into the water.

The instant he and the water touched, it was like everything in Alec rose up with a cry of _YES_ echoing loudly through him. He wasn't aware of taking another step, and then another, one right after the other until he could walk no more, until there was nothing left to do but let go and just sink right down into the water.

Just as it had when he was a child, the water closed itself around him. Only this time, Alec didn't feel smothered. It gripped at him, tugging him in, and Alec let it. He didn't fight back. He let the water and its magic curl all around him, brushing over every inch of him, filling his body and his lungs. Eyes closed, he smiled and opened his mouth, swallowed the lake as his body tried to take in a deep breath, and _remembered_.

Oh, he _remembered_. The memories washed over him, breaking down barriers he hadn't even known were there, flooding him with a truth he couldn't deny. It was like having all those empty places inside him suddenly filled. Places that Alec hadn't even _known_ were empty before now held so much more to them. Alec embraced them all and let the water wash him away.

* * *

_“Wakey wakey! You look like you’ve been up half the night.”_

_“I was. Couldn’t sleep.”_

_“I thought you said you had faith in me?”_

_“Whatever gave you that idea?”_

* * *

It felt so strange to leave the warm comfort of that water. For a brief moment in time, it'd been like both existing and not. Being dead and alive. Nothing else had mattered outside the comforting couch pressed against his skin, holding him close and keeping him safe from everyone and everything that could and would cause him pain. But comfort though the lake may be, he had to return to the real world.

His body was born up on soft, gentle waves that lifted him up onto soft, sandy shores. There he sank, his knees digging into the ground, and his hands pressing flat while his body tried to remember how to live and breathe outside the water.

Gentle yet strong hands caught him and held him up as he coughed up the water that had filled his lungs. And when he was done, those hands helped to move him, angling him so that he could shift to the side and sink down onto the ground.

When he looked up, warm eyes were watching him from a beautiful blue face, only this time, Alec knew that face. The one she wore now, and the one she'd worn back then. A name tumbled past his lips without thought. “Freya.”

A wide smile split her face. Catarina – Freya, his Lady of the Lake – grinned at him with the youthful love of a girl long ago, and the bright amusement of the woman she'd grown to be now. “Welcome back, Emrys.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading - be sure to let me know what you think!
> 
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> 
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